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This is my why... (caution triggering post!)

Imagine fighting daily with yourself to survive, trying to get out of bed, smile, be happy, and hang out with people. Being overwhelmed with being overwhelmed and overwhelmed with trying to do things to overcome it. So anxious that you simply overthink social events and are constantly thinking about your actions around others while at events so much, that you seem moody, irritated, or simply decide often not to go. Feeling so empty, lost, or numb that you try and do things to feel happy or some emotion, like drink or take substances or even try and cut yourself just to feel. Being so disgusted with your own self-image, too tall, too skinny, too fat, too light, too dark that you hate the sight of yourself so much that you bully yourself daily and have terrible thoughts about yourself and think there’s no way anyone else could ever really love you, especially since you don't even love you. Imagine surviving a traumatic event and having to relive it every day when you sleep, or when you have a certain smell, go to a certain area, or hear a noise. This sends you into a fight or flight situation or you simply struggle with insomnia and cannot sleep. Imagine uncontrollable anger that is so explosive at times, and you need help with calming down. Bursting into tears and crying nonstop at times and not knowing why or what to do. Losing a child or children or not being able to have children at all and having no one who understands what you are going through. Imagine giving birth to an amazing little person and not wanting to touch or hold them, or being so scared you may harm them, so anxious that they may stop breathing, and not having anyone to talk to about it for fear of shame and guilt. Imagine getting hurt in an accident and getting prescribed a prescription for the pain that seems to take over your life and now you are unable to put the pills down, you struggle with support and you don’t know what more to do. Imagine being perfectly fine one moment and then extremely sad and unable to get out of bed the next or wanting to clean the entire house from top to bottom and having so much energy to do so. Encountering job-related stress and discrimination that makes you so anxious to go into the office that your body expresses it in a physical form. This is what Mental Illness can look like. This is what the struggle is. This is what some often struggle with. This is what mental health clinicians help with and why we are here, to help you navigate be your cheerleaders, and help you put the pieces back together. This is my why, this is why I fight for mental illness.

~Sadé Dunn

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