Some will say trust, some will say communication, some will say honesty, but vulnerability encompasses all of those things.
According to Webster’s dictionary, the definition of being vulnerable is 1. capable of being physically or emotionally harmed 2. open to attack or damage.
When you choose to be vulnerable with a person you’re letting your guard down you’re trusting that they are not going to harm you or hurt you in any way, you’re allowing yourself to be open and honest you’re communicating your wants and your needs and you’re not attacking them, or putting them down, you’re having an open dialogue and openness with your person so that they can understand you in your naked state.
When you have someone however, that abuses or misuse is vulnerability, that is not honorable, it’s dishonest and it is manipulation, a Trojan horse if you will, because your presentation is different than what your intention is, you’re presenting as something but you have an ulterior motive, so for example, they presented a horse as a gift. The reality of the situation was once the gift was inside the community. The warriors got out of the horse and attacked.
If someone tells you they are vulnerable about a situation with you, they lie. It’s purposeful deception and manipulative behavior that is not vulnerable because they have a different motive than being honest, open genuine, and trustworthy. They are attempting to gain your trust in order to harm you emotionally in the long run.
When you enter into a relationship at any point when you decide to deceive the person you’re in a relationship with I don’t care who you are or what your presentation is you don’t deserve that person. That person deserves your total honest self to make an informed decision about wanting to be in this relationship with you whether it’s a friendship, a sexual relationship or otherwise. The moment you choose not to be honest with them you no longer deserve that relationship.
If you struggle with interpersonal relationships or communication the best thing you can do for yourself and future partners is to get individual counseling or couples counseling to help with communication and interpersonal skills. The benefits of counseling are vast and help you to develop much-needed insight into what your own struggles may be. Your counselor provides you with a safe and trustworthy environment, they encourage you to express yourself without judgment and they also use psychoeducation to teach you better ways of engaging with others. Seek a professional to help you with these areas so you can get the much-needed support you deserve!
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